Interestingly, this move comes with its own level of uncertainty. At times the move feels like it was a failure on my part to better embrace my time in the south; and at times it feels like a cop-out; a method to not admit to myself or anyone around me that there is the possibility that the original move was a mistake.The difficult part of the path I have created is that it is one rooted in being authoritative. In my daily life, that kind of process is needed to make decisions and continue to improve. Why? I guess in some cases there is time for more thoughtful analysis; but when we are driving semi-tractors with up to 130,000 pounds of weight (sand); the decisions sometimes have to be made very quickly.
From where I sit, there is certainly a process that occurred to get to the point where ‘quick’ decisions are not considered ‘rash’ decisions. In other words, the ‘thinking’ behind the decision, though seemingly insignificant in the moment, happened over the course of many years.
And I think that becomes the difficult part of living outside of work; being authoritative becomes almost like a brand identity. While it is important in my daily routine at work, it can creep into other aspects of life that come across in a less than stellar manner.
I have always believed in the duality of humanity and that is the essence of who we are as a species; yet we often tend to trickle down to one trait that dominates. I find it difficult sometimes to turn off the personality trait that dominates most of my waking hours.
Mistakes are an inevitable part of being human. Often, the authoritative personality trait that works so well at work can become a detriment to understanding our mistakes. I have been very fortunate over the course of these many years of work that I have managed to have minimized mistakes and, more importantly, have not made any significant mistakes. After all, a significant mistake in this job can be deadly.
Why am I posting this here? On a sports blog that I rarely touch anymore?
Because I am always looking for methods to be a better human being. I have tried for most of my adult to do the right things; treat people better than they treat me. Sometimes, like everyone, I fail at this and admitting my own faults helps me understand the path to those faults and how to become better.
Covering Oregon football for Duck Sports Authority has become a part of my identity. I have been doing this for close to ten years now and really enjoy the work. There are those that think our world of recruiting coverage is swampy, icky and, in some cases, strangely perverse in that we try to share information about the decisions making processes of young men – some under the age of 16 – and convince others to pay money to share that information.
I have never felt that way any more than a football coach feels that way about recruiting these young men. Spend some time at a camp or clinic; spend some time around the families of the athletes and you will see that what we do is not so much creepy as it is invigorating. I played football for a long time; played in the Marine Corps; played at a small college. I lifted weights competitively for 30 years after that; the value of athletics is something that cannot be stressed strongly enough.
When I rebranded this blog, I had a vision for what I wanted to do; and then life got in the way and I lost sight of that goal. My work for Rivals and DSA is all premium and that won’t change; but there are stories that do not have to be premium; stories of athletes and families that make the world we inhabit seem nowhere near as murky as some would like to believe.
I don’t need my soul prayed for because I cover recruiting; any prayers I need are not for my career choices. I know that the line was meant sardonically, yet it sticks out; as if covering recruiting is somehow the 2019 equivalent of a used-car salesman from the 1970’s. Shoot, maybe to those who don’t care about sports might feel this way as an outsider? Maybe used-car salesmen in the seventies did not think they were as slimy as the rest of the world did; but I don’t feel that way.
I know I have made many mistakes. Maybe I am wrong about what we do. I hope not. But I think one thing I want to do is change perceptions. Not perceptions of this industry; this is about me trying to better my own being.
I don’t share a lot of my personal life publicly; I have kept that fairly restrained. And I think that is a part of this process; to open up about myself; to be less ‘authoritative’ in my work; to be more congenial on our message boards.
Because I tend to be wordy, I will tend to put those thoughts on this blog rather than attempting to tweet them out; I will tweet out links. I want to relate what I share here as a part of my personal life and how that reflects in recruiting coverage. Lessons learned. Thoughts on what that means, etc. This is not about self-indulgence; I don’t speak of myself in third person; I just live and learn.
So, there it is. A rebrand, so to speak, of myself. But it’s not like a sudden thing; I look at something every year; some way I can be a better person. This year, it is separating the day job from the night job and being more ‘real’ about who I am.
